The Courage to Quit: Taneet Grewal Shares Her Sobriety Story

Ask Manjot is a monthly advice column by writer and therapist Manjot Mann that tackles all things womanhood, relationships, mental health and more. Submit your questions here.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be on a journey to sobriety I would have laughed. I wasn’t much of a drinker to begin with - maybe the occasional glass of wine and a shot or two at someone’s birthday but that all changed for me last summer. One of the biggest reasons why was my daughter. She’s six years old and as I navigated teaching her about honesty and healthy choices I felt like I wasn’t practicing what I preach. When I had my “mom juice” secretly was I teaching honesty? When I woke up with hives or stomach aches after a night of drinking was I making choices that enhanced my health? No. My values and actions weren’t in line and I wasn’t comfortable with this. It’s been 10 months now and there are moments where I falter; at weddings or on vacation I have that urge to have a glass of wine but then I remember my why and let the moment pass.

It’s true what they say - you attract people into your life based on the energy you put out. The guest columnist for this month is Taneet Grewal and I cannot explain how our paths crossed on Instagram but they did. She’s a writer, an avid reader, a mom and she’s also been on her own sobriety journey. I am deeply honoured to share her story with you. I hope you enjoy this months column and please follow Taneet @writingsformydaughters on Instagram.

Manjot: Can you share a bit about yourself—your background, your family, and what life looked like before you made the decision to embrace sobriety?

Taneet: I’m the eldest daughter of immigrant parents, with a younger sister and brother. In our Punjabi household in the suburbs of Windsor Ontario, surrounded by a mostly white community, my siblings and I watched our parents fight many battles. Some they won, but many they lost. My father struggled with alcoholism, so I promised myself that I would never drink alcohol when I grew up. But life had other plans for me. When I left home to pursue post-secondary education in Toronto, I didn’t anticipate losing myself before I even had the chance to discover who I am. My dreams floundered along with my GPA, as I fell into the world of partying and binge drinking. When I couldn’t graduate after four years, I left the university and didn’t look back for almost a decade. I jumped into a corporate career, embodying the day-to-day life of an office girl. This is where I met my husband; the youngest sibling of three brothers, from a loving Guyanese family. After we got married, I began to realize that his night-caps weren’t just the product of a bad habit. Not only did he drink the exact same brand and type of alcohol as my father, he drank it every single day to the point of inebriation. It took years and a lot of strength, but I made the extremely difficult decision to take my two daughters and leave. I didn’t file for separation or divorce. We just left. I loved my husband and the father of my children, but my desire and desperation to break the generational cycle of alcohol dependency was much greater. Although I wasn’t drinking rum every night, there were days when I could drink an entire bottle of wine to myself, sitting home alone watching rom-coms. At the time, mommy-wine culture was normalized and my depression and anxiety blinded me from seeing the truth of my own dependency issues.

Manjot: At what point did you realize that sobriety was the path you wanted to take for yourself and your family?

Taneet: It wasn’t until a year after my husband passed away that I decided it was time to change how I lived my life. He died from cirrhosis two days before his 37th birthday. Watching my daughters grieve the loss of their daddy shattered me. It wasn’t fair. I looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of a woman who didn’t want to be broken anymore. She was the only parent her daughters had. What if something happened to her? I couldn’t let that happen. I began to question everything: why didn’t I say no when someone offered me a drink? Did I even enjoy it? Did I use alcohol as a crutch? In what scenarios and situations was I drinking? What benefits was I gaining? How did I feel after a night of drinking? How was it affecting me physically and mentally?

I decided to give it one month. Dry January turned into Dry February. And I continued to not drink. It’s now been three years of an alcohol-free life. And I love it.

Manjot: How do you talk to your daughters about addiction, loss, and the importance of making healthy choices?

Taneet: I speak to my daughters with honesty, openness and vulnerability. When they have asked me about their dad, I never shut those questions down. I educated them about alcohol and substance abuse years before he passed away, with the help of a therapist I was seeing at the time. My daughters and I have a really special relationship; I keep our lines of communication open, and no topic is off the table. It’s important to me that they understand I am someone they can trust, as their parent, their friend, their ally and advocate. Being vulnerable, raw and honest with them shows them that they can be vulnerable, raw and honest with me, too. As heavy as these discussions can be, they deserve the truth. If I want to continue breaking toxic cycles, it means having hard conversations with my girls. It takes strength, gentleness and patience to nurture them with proper education and awareness. They also understand that addiction is a disease and not a reflection of a person’s character. We talk about their dad all the time and believe that whenever a red cardinal visits us and sings to us, it’s a message from him. This continues to help us heal as a family.

Manjot: If you could offer one piece of advice to someone considering sobriety, what would it be?

Taneet: Considering sobriety means you are considering a better version of yourself, and that alone is something to applaud. My advice is to try it for one month. See how you feel, make note of the difference in energy, brain fog, confidence, skin glow, gut health, and so much more. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself difficult questions because when you finally realize what’s on the other side of this, you will be so grateful to yourself. You deserve a healthy life!