Amrita Sandhu discusses YouTube Aunties and the Policing of Womanhood
There's a place for compassionate understanding and then, right next to that, is a call for change. Thus, we have a generation of women who have been shell-shocked with the crippling pull between two generations: one with internalized sexism adhering to male-dominant cultural norms, and one wishing to live fully unabridged and equal to our male counterparts. In many South Asian cultures, traditional gender roles and expectations can be particularly rigid, with women often facing significant pressure to conform to societal norms. So, what do we do when we are torn between wishing to respect tradition but trek forward toward a more evolved state of being? We call out toxicity.
A few short weeks ago, a South Asian woman recorded and uploaded her views about what it means to be a wife and daughter-in-law in the South Asian culture. Her sentiments are not unique to her own psychology - just typically maintained behind closed doors and feigned traditionalism.
Nonetheless it is worthwhile to explore why her views caused such an uproar amongst the unfortunate South-Asian diaspora who stumbled upon the video.
With much gusto, the woman stated that once married, a woman has no need to visit her maternal home, as her sole allegiance now lies with her husband and his family. She expresses many notions that seem to express a mindset of control, patriarchal values, and dictatorship.
While it left many aghast but reeling and dozens of stomachs churning with disbelief - we can take a few things into consideration when unpacking this stealth but dangerous oppressive mentality.
Let’s begin by attempting to unravel why it’s important to address all the layers at play here - research suggests that women who hold traditional views on gender roles are more likely to experience depression and anxiety (Williams, 2017). Due to the fact that mental health issues are not readily addressed in the South Asian culture, this repressed suffering often expresses itself through secondary emotions like anger, hostility, and a general negative world outlook.
Next, abeit a tad presumptuously, digging a little deeper into the typical “MIL” psyche we can assume that what seems to have gone astray is that these women (once little girls) came into this world like all other social beings, desiring love, acceptance, safety, and belonging. However, they are often left emotionally by the wayside due to an aggressive cultural gender preference for males, perhaps this led to this once little girl feeling second-class in her own family home.
Fast-forward a few decades, and many women have the illusion of having found purpose through producing male offspring. Utilizing the masculine energy she siphons from her son(s), she self-abandons her womanhood, waging psychological warfare against any female coming close to her grasp. In scientific terms, what we have here is a case of displacement, projection, and self-loathing. When emotions from a former time and place have nowhere to go, they often become repressed and transform into something rather venomous.
As we reflect on the aforementioned bold tirade-filled video and its implications, it's essential to consider how we can break free from these toxic narratives. By acknowledging the harm caused by patriarchal values and internalized sexism, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and equitable society. This requires a willingness to challenge our own biases and assumptions, as well as to support others that are in their journey towards empowerment.
Ultimately, the question remains: Will we allow our wounds to turn us into the next villain in someone else's story, or will we choose a different path? From a clinical perspective, research suggests that individuals who practice self-compassion and empathy are more likely to engage in positive relationships and exhibit better mental health outcomes (Neff, 2011).
Thus we can keenly summarize that by choosing empathy, understanding, and self-awareness, and most importantly - seeking support and intervention for our root traumas - we can break the cycle of hurt and create a more compassionate world for ourselves and future generations.
Now readers, perhaps the most important sentiment of all — in the face of much adversity, and with the stakes so high, are you up for the challenge?
References:
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of positive self-regard. Psychological Inquiry, 22(4), 1-7.
Williams, J. (2017). The impact of traditional gender roles on women's mental health. Journal of Women's Health, 26(10), 1010-1018.
